For The Last Time – There Is No Bigfoot, Ghosts, UFO’s, Etc.

I thought I had already straightened all of this out with my post on the Anti Christ and all things religion. The gist of the message was, “if it is not real, then it does not exist”. However, I am still being battered with tales of make believe entities including vampires and, new to the list, Chupacabra… a beast of Latin-American folklore. Here is a photo of a suspected Chupacabra:

I will admit that I was wrong when I initially suspected that this was just a very, very ugly dog. Turns out it is a very, very ugly dead coyote. Alas, another false alarm. Just like all of the other false alarms that we have endured for centuries.

A colleague of mine, who is about the most sincere person I know, is convinced he has seen a ghost. Better yet, he is also convinced a ghost (or several) lifted him a couple inches off of his bed. I swear to you that he believes this. Another person I work with has actually seen Bigfoot…walking down the sidewalk. I know it sounds like a joke but they are sincere in their beliefs.

So the question is “why the need to make up all of this stuff”? Researchers tend to agree that it is the brains desire to be able to explain everything. A system of “cause and effect” that we simply are born with. If we don’t have a good reason for something, we just make something up to explain it. One of the more ridiculous examples of this was televangelist John Hagee blaming Hurricane Katrina on the fact a gay pride parade was scheduled and God was pi**ed. Again, I am not making this up.

So, considering that religious folks already believe in a being they can’t see, are they more likely to believe in other stuff? Interestingly, because religious people have an omnipotent God, they are actually less likely to believe in Bigfoot, for instance. In fact, according to research, the more often they go to church the less likely they believe in other paranormal activities. Interesting, huh?

Elizabeth is no doubt chomping at the bit to say, “Of course stupid people believe in religion and ghosts, they’re stupid!” Sorry to burst your bubble but studies show that Ph.D.s are as likely as high school drop outs to believe in all things paranormal. That’s right. Dr. Phil is as likely to talk to his dead cousin as the dude living in the gutter down the block.

So, do not discriminate against your religious and paranormal friends. They are merely filling a gap that the human brain insists must be filled. And really, what is the harm in believing? If it makes you a better person, how is that a bad thing? Just stay away from any extreme and your life will be just swell.

One last note to my UFO believing friends. I know you don’t like to be lumped in with the other loons because, technically, Unidentified Flying Objects really do occur on a fairly regular basis. I saw one when I was about 8 and standing with a group of adults…a big ball of fire in the sky that just evaporated. Most definitely an unidentified object. However, later that evening I was not kidnapped and anal probed by beings with big black eyes. UFO’s? No problem. Aliens? You might as well join your local Bigfoot club. Or as Jim Morrison used to say, “Out here we is stoned immaculate”.

Happy hunting whatever you are looking for.

Dear Lunatics: Obama Is Not The Anti-Christ

Nor is Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, George Bush, Dick Cheney or just about any other polarizing politician or celebrity you can think of. How do I know? Because there is no anti-Christ. Just as there is no “end times”, “river of blood” or any other silly superstitious event that man has concocted.

What is truly remarkable is that people that I consider otherwise sane and competent, actually believe all of this. How can you be a rational, functioning member of society and believe in beasts with 10 horns rising from the ocean? Seriously? You can honestly have a conversation about this without bursting into laughter? (Or at least giggling a little?) 

It reminds me of a story my mom told me about when she was a little girl. Someone looked outside and noticed that the moon was “blood red”. This, the family was convinced, was a sure signal of the end times. So, the lunatics all marched outside into a corn field and prayed for HOURS! Naturally, not a damned thing happened and they all went happily about their day. What is remarkable is that this experience had absolutely no impact on their belief system. They just assumed they had misread the signs.

I understand that when people thought the world was flat or there was no way to utilize science, that superstition ruled the world. Those days have passed. The ONLY reason you would still believe in this is because a) your were “assimilated” by your family and community as a child and never broke through those bonds or b) you want to believe that there is someone or something out there that is in control of your life. Non believers call it “fate” or “karma”. The truth is, all of these are merely man made superstitions.

And trust me, I get it. I lost a loved one recently and I hope that she is in a beautiful place and looking down on her family and protecting us. For all I know, maybe she is. But I also know that Jennifer Love Hewitt (or “Big Boobs”, as my wife fondly refers to her) is not going to strike up a conversation with her anytime soon.

So, dearest nut jobs, put away your crucifix’s and Ouija boards. YOU are in charge of your destiny and what YOU do will determine your fate. Stop buying books like ”The Secret”, “Left Behind” and listening to Oprah. All you are doing is making other people wealthy. That’s their secret…getting lemmings to part with their cash. 

I know I have no doubt offended many of you but I just can’t stand anymore of this superstitious gibberish. Feel comforted that if I am wrong I will burn in an eternal hell and you will get to say, “I told you so”. On the other hand, don’t be too disappointed if you end up as worm food some day.

By the way, I will be releasing a new book soon called, “I Spoke To Jesus”. In it, I will decipher all of the secret messages and clues that are mentioned in the Bible. This should help solve all of the confusion out there. I spoke to Jesus personally one night when I was loaded up on peyote, percocets and Jack Daniels and Coke. It was a great conversation and for a mere $29.99, I will be happy to share it with you. Amen, brothers and sisters.

Obama Is Hitler, Marx, Stalin And The Anti-Christ Rolled Into One

That’s a pretty impressive list, if you ask me. Before you have a knee jerk reaction, let me list some of the things we have learned about Senator Obama over the last two years. I think once you put all of the pieces together, you will see what kind of a man he really is.

As we have all seen, he is “brainwashing” people and trying to establish a Socialist state as well as the best (or worst) aspects of Communism. He hates Christians due to his being a closet Muslim, just like his father, and will betray Israel as soon as he possibly can.

He will take all of the hard working people of America’s money and give it to those who refuse to work…redistribution, if you will. He is anti gun and will do everything in his power to take guns out of the hands of the American citizen. Amazingly, he openly mocks those of us who think guns and religion are important staples of American culture.

He is pro abortion and would like to see more abortions so he can have more stem cell research by killing these innocent babies. He will clearly stack the Supreme Court to the left so he can take Roe v. Wade even further. He is pro-black and will purposely ignore the needs of whites, Latinos and American Indians. It is likely that Reverend Jeremiah “god damn America” Wright will play a large role in this effort.

He has direct links to Al Qaeda and fully supports a variety of terrorists organizations including the PLO. He still has close ties to William Ayers and will put America at great risk by decreasing the size of our military and failing to protect our borders. Illegal immigration will be completely out of control and the American taxpayer will foot the bill. 

Obama will continue with the efforts to create a New World Order and will enter into trade agreements that are not in the best interests of the American people. He will also tax and spend at levels heretofore never seen in this country…again, in an effort to redistribute wealth and socialize our country.

Oddly enough, Barack Hussein Obama very likely was not born in the United States. His birth record has been altered and there is no other documentation to support his claims. There also seems to be very little paperwork supporting his alleged college education at various US universities. Importantly, he also knew that his Aunt was an illegal alien living in our country and did nothing about it…clearly trying to hide her.

Let’s not also forget that Obama refused to put his hand over his heart for The Pledge Of Allegiance and mocked those that wore an American pin on their lapel. Also, in what can only be described as a slap in the face to our military heroes. on his latest trip abroad, he refused to visit injured men and women at a military hospital in Germany.

Obama has also admitted to being a drug user in the past. This speaks clearly to his lack of ability to make good choices and show good judgement. This may be why he has offered to sit down with the enemies of the US without pre-conditions. He also has no problem telling the world what our defense strategies are. For instance, his definitive time line for withdrawal from Iraq.

I haven’t even mentioned Tony Rezko, gay marriage or a slew of other issues that Senator Obama has working against him. In the end, it is clear that he has every intention of ruining the United States as we know it. A vote for Obama is a vote against everything that we cherish about the greatest country in the world, The United States of America. Don’t fall for his articulate, verbal sleight of hand. He is a devil dressed in a nice suit. It is up to all of us from stopping this national nightmare from happening.

Thanks for listening.

This message is approved by the various republican friends of Tannerleah. (I just put all of the stuff into one neat pile.)