Another Reason Facebook is Evil

March 25, 2009

Meet Indiana state trooper Chris Pestow. Pestow has a Facebook page and loaded the following photos on it. He seems to have an interesting life and no doubt wants to share it will all of the fans of state troopers out there. All was right with the world and then something changed. See if you can figure out where things went wrong:

chris-pestow

So far, so good. A fine looking officer. All serious and professional looking.

andrew-deddish

Here is Chris’ buddy, Officer Andrew Deddish. Seems like a nice enough guy. Looks like an awkward stance, however. Wait…what is he holding in his hand?

pestow-and-deddish

Oops. This one is not going to go over so well. Something about one cop holding a gun to another cops head (while holding a beverage) that could potentially get someone in trouble. In this case, it is both of these fine officers.

Deddish is on the hook for pointing the gun. Apparently, there is some sort of rule against this. Chris is in trouble for “Facebooking” while he was at work. He has several entries timed and dated when he was on duty. I guess they expect troopers not to have a social life. What can it hurt to tell a few jokes on Facebook while you are in the middle of a high speed pursuit?

I think the punishment, if they are guilty, should be ordering them to write  daily blogs. Then they would see what real pressure is. Before you know it they will be making up fake medical conditions or “new” products for consumers to use. Who knows what depths you they will be forced to sink to. (Can I just say, unless you are Hunter S Thompson, the gun is probably a bit much).

So let me say again for the umpteenth time…stop with the Twittering and Facebook! You are dying a slow and painful death. Get away from your computer and enjoy your life! It’s too late for me and some of the others around here but we had our chances. But this damned narcotic known as “blogging” is just too strong. Every time I think I am out, it pulls me back in. Don’t be your keyboards bitch. (Mine looks like Lynda Carter so it is easier for me to take).

Good luck on your Facebook pages fellas. Something tells me you might have a surplus of free time soon. Maybe you could start a blog? There is always room here in hell on the Internet.


Obama Is On TV Again? WTF?

March 24, 2009

When did Barry get his own sitcom? Jesus, Joseph and Allah, when is he NOT on TV these days? We get it…you are the black Jesus. You don’t need to throw it in our face every 2 weeks in prime time. Couldn’t you do Letterman tonight instead? Or perhaps go on The View and argue with those idiots? How many more speeches about the economy do we need to hear? Stop talking and start doing. (Spend a couple or more trillion, or something).

Don’t get me wrong; I like Barry. Sure, he is as dirty as any politician and his constant smile on 60 Minutes was absolutely bizarre but c’mon…he has charisma with capital KKK’s. I just want him to dress it up a little. How about walking out to the podium wearing a Fedora and throwing a gang sign. “East side biyatches! Whitey ain’t on up in here, no mo’. Ya feel me?” That would be awesome.

However, since Barry doesn’t speak “black”, he could just come out sporting an awesome fro.

barack-obama-afro

(See how my Photoshop skills continue to improve? I even added a little soul patch).

This would show that he has a sense of humor and is all virile like Billy Dee Williams. In fact, he should hold up a can of Colt 45 or a bucket of chicken. Then little Gary Coleman could come out after his speech and say, “What you talkin’ bout Barry?” Ah…good times. (Well, not really “good times” or it would have been “dy-no-mite!!!). Then Barry could have said. “You sure are a tiny Mother Fu” – and out pops Lawanda Page to say “shut yo mouth”.

Admit it, you would pay a 60% tax rate if you could get this kind of entertainment on television. And I haven’t even killed anyone or shown boobs…yet.

Sadly, NONE of this is going to happen. He will just drone on and on about the same stuff and then go do whatever his rich cohorts instruct him to do. How tedious. At least Dubya would make faces and wink. (And say nuke-u-lar at least a dozen times). Barry is just boring. I guess I can always watch Sanford and Son to get my Lawanda Page fix. Speaking of which, how awesome would it have been to have Redd Foxx as the POTUS? That dude was old school funny. Not for the kids but still some funny stuff.

And one final thought. If all of you guilty white people would have done the right thing, we could be watching endless coverage of the great Sarah Palin. It might be boring but the tingling would absolutely make it worth it. (Where have you gone Sarah Palin girl, a nation turns its lonely eyes to you, woo woo woo.)


Lance Armstrong Sucks

March 23, 2009

I am very busy this week but I wanted to just offer this thought. How come Lance can “beat” cancer but can’t “beat” a simple collar bone injury. What a pussy.

Put some tape on it and get back on your candy a** bike you whiny baby. By the way, when I was banging Sheryl Crow last night, she didn’t mention your name once…not once. How do you like me now, Bike Boy?

That is all. Just a quick hit and run. Sorry for the rip off.


Can We Please Build More Prisons?

March 22, 2009

We have yet another story of a hardened criminal out on parole that, clearly, should not have been on the streets. This time it was in Oakland and, in his desire to go out in a blaze of glory, he killed 4 police officers. This has to be particularly difficult for the family members to accept knowing that the killer should have never been there in the first place.

How many more people need to be murdered, raped, assaulted, or have ANY crime committed against from a repeat offender? I understand that prisons are full and that we, as a society, love to forgive people of their past sins. That’s all fine until someone you love is a victim of one of these repeat offenders.

The simple solution is to build more prisons. Since I am paying significant taxes already, I have no problem with some of that money going to bigger prisons. Just think of it as an infrastructure job. You have construction work plus you will need more prison guards. See? It’s a winner for everyone!

Oh wait, what about the poor criminals that are only in jail because “the man” put it to them or they grew up poor. Maybe they even come from a broken home and didn’t finish high school. Too fu**in bad…I am over it. There was a time when I believed in rehabilitation and, in some cases, I still do. Any non-violent criminal probably does deserve a second chance. Violent offenders, however, should never see the streets again.

Why? Because they are hard wired to always be violent. Study after study tells us this. They have no place in our society…period. If you want to visit them in prison or bake them cookies, knock yourself out. Hell, I am even ok with giving them cable TV and hookers if it keeps them happy. I just don’t want them out in the real world where hard working, innocent people (like the 4 Oakland police officers) can be negatively impacted by their actions.

I am sure the murderer here has a sob story and we will hear how he should have never been pulled over in the first place. Bull crap. Whatever judge or penal system employee that let this dirt bag out now has the deaths of 4 people hanging over their head. Of course, they will say they had no choice…it is the “system”. Fine; here is the answer. Build more jails and do not let violent offenders back out. You can even raise my taxes to do it. Now make it happen.

One last thing. There have been reports of people in Oakland celebrating and honking their horns over the murders. If there are bigger pussies out in the world than this group, I can’t imagine where they exist.


And For No Particular Reason….

March 21, 2009

I present Elizabeth Montgomery. Man, I loved her.

elizabeth-montgomery


Sleeping With Your Beagle IS Illegal!

March 21, 2009

I came across this great article from The Smoking Gun and thought I would share with those of you that might have missed it.

Michelle Owen, 24 from Whiteland, IN, was apparently pretty peeved with her ex boyfriend, Heath Pierle. This seems to stem from a custody battle the two are having over their child. She accused her ex of searching for child porn on her laptop and took it to the police so they could search it. I bet you have a good idea already as to how this is going to turn out. Here is a photo of Michelle:

michelle-owen

Here are the finer details and, I swear, you can read them in the police report. Michelle and Heath decided to make a little video for someone’s amusement, I guess. Michelle laid down nude on the bed and Heath slathered something on her hoo-hoo. Apparently, whatever it was wasn’t good enough so Michelle also slathered something in the same area. They both then said, “Here Toby”. Toby, the third actor in this movie, turns out to be the family pet…a beagle to be exact. The dog, being a fine actor, walked over and started lapping up the mess. According to the police report, Michelle “smiled”.

In the second video, Michelle calls the dog over again but, this time, does not use any condiments. According to the police report, the dog started licking then quickly walked away and Michelle finished her business on her own. When the detective later asked Michelle about the videos, she said, “You mean the ones with the dog?” At least we know Michelle is an honest gal.

Michelle was easy to find when the detective went to question her because she was already in jail for a public intoxication charge. This violated her terms of release from a drunk driving charge. I am going to go out on a limb and say that alcohol has not really been much of a friend to young Michelle.

Clearly, the biggest issue here is the well being of Toby, the hoo-hoo licking dog. Now that he has been down this path, will he ever be able to stop? Will he be a strung out hoo-hoo addict roaming the streets looking for a quick fix? How in the world will he ever be able to go back to Alpo now that he has tasted the “real” thing? The police report fails to give us any follow up information. But, for those of you with faith, please say a little prayer for the little guy. He needs it.

As for Michelle, my suspicion is she will only get worse. Soon, she will be seeking out Great Danes and then, possibly, small monkeys. All of which are felony charges in the state of Indiana. Who knew Indiana would have a problem with bestiality? Hmm…you learn something every day.

mmm…tastes like chicken 


Obama Hates Retards

March 20, 2009

At least that is what I am being told by my republican friends. It would seem that Barry was talking about his bowling skills, or lack thereof, and compared his average to what a contestant from the Special Olympics might score. 

While this might be offensive to some, it is also an outright lie. Many short bus riders are excellent bowlers. Hell, Corky carries like a 210 average. Granted, he is not super retarded but he definitely has “challenges”. 

The truth is I have seen the Special Olympics and most of the athletes competing would kick my a** in just about any event. However, when they do win, they don’t act all douche like. They actually congratulate each other and share the joy of winning with others. 

If Terrell Owens were a retard, the NFL would be a much better place. I think we can say that about most things in life. In fact, I would rather have our mentally challenged people in charge in Washington. Not because they are deep thinkers or will solve the worlds problems in a day but because at least they will be honest. They will look at me with that innocent face and say, “Sorry TL. We are going to have to fu** you now but we will try to make it painless”. 

And why the hell was Barry on Leno in the first place. Doesn’t he have more pressing issues to attend to? The POTUS should be above that kind of stuff. My Oz, how much more TV exposure does the guy need anyway? Will we see him do a guest shot on 30 Rock next week? Maybe he can talk to some of the camera guys from TMZ…that would be titillating. 

I for one don’t think that he meant any harm in his Special Olympics comment. Of course, we as a society, have nothing better to do than to jump on any little PC moment. If Jay wasn’t such a pussy, he would have said something like, “Mr. President, you sure do bowl like a colored person”. Would that have been offensive? Not to me. Or he could have said, “You bowl about as well as you swim”. Again, nothing offensive there. 

To those of you that are retarded, white, black, brown, short, tall, fat, skinny, china-man, or whatever, I apologize for my lack of political correctness. Feel free to hate me for it; then get over it. I am not worthy of your ire. Keep it focused on Barry. He started it. 

And by the way, stop all of the hating on short buses. Some of them are nicer than anything you will ever own.

short-bus


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