Without as much as a hint to me, the good folks at the Miss America pageant apparently had their little beauty contest Saturday. Thanks for letting me know it was on some obscure cable station. You might as well be the NHL on Versus. Oh well, I guess as long as that “Saved by the Bell” guy showed up, everything is alright.
The following morning, I saw the swimsuit photo of the winning contestant, Miss Indiana Katie R. Stam. Here it is:
Maybe it’s just me, but except for the boobs, doesn’t this body look a lot like a 15 year old boy? All skin, bone, gristle and some muscle? I know they have buffets in Indiana so there is no food shortage. Whatever happened to curves and the concept of a Rubenesque body? The poor girl looks like she just busted out of a camp in Ethiopia. Even cannibals wouldn’t eat her because they would be afraid to swallow the bones and choke to death. I know, this is “the look” these days but I guess I am just too old to get it.
On the other hand, some recent photos of Jessica Simpson showed up on the Internet. The point of said pictures was to show what a big cow she had become. In essence, they are meant to show that maybe she ate Miss America after she won her crown. Here is the humongous Jessica:
Granted, she is licking her lips like she sees a box of corn dogs in the 4th row but is it really that bad? I know she has been smaller over the years but what is so horrific about these pics? For all we know, Tony Romo has planted his seed and she is on her way up the pound escalator. Or, maybe she has just eaten a few too many Ring Dings lately. Still, by any definition except for Miss Skeletor America, she looks great to me.
You women are way too hard on yourselves. Stop trying to be something that is in no way natural. You are supposed to have a little weight on your bones. It is healthy and normal. Sure, you don’t want to go full on Oprah but I think there is plenty of leeway.
So, in this battle, I am siding with Jessica. She looks much more real to me plus she’s rocking that leopard belt. (Although I believe that if your are slightly “hippy”, you are supposed to draw attention away from the problem area. Just another little fashion tip for my peeps). As for Miss America, add a # 4 with fries from Wendy’s everyday to your diet and you will be smoking hot in no time!