Study Says Exercise Won’t Cure Obesity

Now you tell me! All this time I have been working out like a madman for nothing. My 10 mile run everyday, weight training, swimming 16 miles a week, biking another 30 all for nothing. (And that doesn’t include my high wire work for balance).

Turns out that the reason I struggle with my weight is the donuts, cake, ice cream, etc. that I eat everyday. Who knew? I thought as long as I burned more calories than I took in, I would lose weight.

Actually, that might still be true since all of the workout stuff I mentioned above is still in the “theoretical” stages. But I have been using “The Secret” workout method. I sit and imagine that I am doing all of that stuff. If “The Secret” is true, then it should work, right?

As for the food, I prefer to physically eat those things rather than imagine it. I find it to be much more fulfilling.

The study say that while exercise has a bunch of other benefits, (strengthens bones and muscles, improves mental health and mood, lowers blood pressure, improves cholesterol levels and reduces the risk of cardiovascular disease, diabetes, breast cancer and colon cancer), crap I could care less about, it really is not the key to weight control.

The study focused on African American women in Chicago and women in rural Nigeria. (Racists!) The women in Chicago weighed an average of 184 pounds while the Nigerian women weighed in at an average of 127 pounds. Isn’t that fascinating?

It would seem that the women in Chicago that are eating BK, KFC, Wendy’s, pizza etc. retain more weight than women eating snails, rattle snakes, mice and worms. Who would have imagined? This is the kind of science that I find flat out breathtaking.    

(Reuters used this photo as an example of an obese woman)

Do you see how she is wearing the slimming black top and then using lines to conceal her hips? Excellent job! (I learned that on a cable TV show. I am also an expert in home repairs, flipping houses and what the women in the “OC” are up to).

So, what to do with this information? My suggestion is to stop working out immediately. However, replace half of the junk food you eat with “native” food. Cockroaches, ants, spiders, maybe even some chipmunk or gopher (I hear they taste like chicken). If you eat these after you eat the junk food, you will invariably hurl which will solve all of your weight problems.

Look for my book on the subject to come out soon. As always, you’re welcome.